Tag Archives: heartbreak

Less Expectations, More Possibilities

14 Nov

I was sent a quote today…  Sometimes it’s strange how something “falls in your lap” right when you need it.

Most of my writing is to remind myself of things I should be doing or feeling or maybe even changing.  In the process of me making these public I hope they help others, or make them realize they’re not the only ones feeling a certain way, or maybe bring comfort, hope or a smile to their day.  It’s also a good way for me to go back to my posts and read them whenever I need to be reminded of certain things.

The quote is about how sometimes we expect things from others and, when things don’t work out as expected, we get frustrated, angry, sad.  We might blame the other person, cut them off…  as natural as those feelings may be, we also need to look inside us.  Are we asking for too much, are we expecting that person to change?   Are we being fair?

One quote I try to remember is “Expectation is the root of all heartache”.   Unfortunately we always have them.  Either starting a new job, a new relationship, friends, family, or even what we think our life should be at certain points or age.  With friends we might expect them to always be there, to celebrate every little thing with you, to cry or laugh whenever you do.  If we don’t get the reaction we anticipated, we might feel like they don’t care or they are not real friends.  In relationships you always have hopes and wish it’s “the one”, that it lasts.  You want it to work.  When things don’t go as you thought they would those expectations start to crumble and you get frustrated, and heartbroken.  It’s hard to let go of those “dreams”, of the fairy-tale we created in our heads.  But sometimes, if we do, we might avoid the anger, sadness, misunderstandings, etc.  Maybe without all these emotions caused by those expectations we would be able to communicate better, see things differently or maybe even see things we were missing before.

Don’t get me wrong… not everyone is supposed to be in your life.  Some, as they say, are lessons and once you’ve learn them you move on and leave them behind.  And your life is a lot better without them.  But, it’s worth giving people a chance.  It’s worth seeing if they are meant to stay in your life, just maybe in another way than the one you had first expected.

Emotions can be very strong, stubborn, and prideful.  Sometimes we allow them to control us, and that’s something to work on.  It’s natural to feel them, allow yourself time, and ask others to respect that time, to figure out those feelings, to understand them and grow from them.  Time to see things differently, to find a new way to see that other person or situation, or to have a second chance to try again.  “Time heals”, this is very true, we just need to allow it to do so and open ourselves to it.

Things are not always resolved trying to change someone else or a situation.  Sometimes it takes a little bit of changing on our part too, adjusting our way of seeing things.

Instead of expectations, see possibilities.  Not an easy task but one I’m sure would help us, not only in relationships but, in many aspects of life, to be open to different and new experiences.

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“Who were you before they broke your heart”

8 Feb

I came across this quote today “Who were you before they broke your heart”.

That’s an interesting question, I thought…

Fresh after a breakup, it’s really hard to answer it.  The pain, the memories, the “us” does not allow us to be just “you”.  Plus it’s hard because every person you meet, every situation, relationship and experience affects us, and can change us.

So, how do you go back to who you were?  What if you have had your heart broken more than once?   Not only by an ended relationship but, it might be that you didn’t get what you thought was your “dream job”, or you didn’t get into the school you wanted.  Or maybe a friend wasn’t who you thought they were.

What if you never asked yourself that question, after your first one, and allowed things to affect you so much, you think you can’t go back or remember?

Then I started thinking that the question is not necessarily literal.

Yes, I think it’s possible to remind ourselves of who we really were, our true self, but I think the quote means for us to start over.  To see the heartbreak as the end of that chapter, and start a new one.  Maybe even a new book.  To learn to stand up, rebuild up our self-esteem, be hopeful, and look forward, like we did before whatever it was didn’t work out.

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

I bet you were happy and optimistic.  You were making plans, confident, loving life, and fantasizing about the future.  Go back to that.  Find that confidence again, and move on.

A broken heart is the end of a part of your life, but not the end of it entirely.

Find a new story, a new purpose, another thing or someone that makes you want to dive in, and makes you smile again.  Life is full of stories.  Live each one and enjoy it, learn from it.  But don’t end one and give up.

Go ahead, write your life, own it.  No matter how many “Chapter One” we have, I’m sure each one will be well worth it.

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Heart vs Brain

11 Nov

We do all sorts of things to ourselves in this life… 

We scare ourselves by watching scary movies, skydiving, rollercoaster, etc.

We go through pain and invest long hours to look and feel better by plastic surgery, laser, hair & nail appointments. 

We submit our head and heart to war when liking or falling for someone that (usually the brain knows) is not right for us.

We go into that “relationship” knowing that it’s meant to break or die but still we are stubborn and “cautiously” give it a try.  We say we’ve prepared ourselves for the outcome, that we know it’s not forever, but in reality we are never prepared for the end.

You see, while you are with someone you create an attachment, feelings grow stronger, and that cautiousness fades. You become comfortable with that person, they make you happy, and you believe the relationship is possible. But the brain keeps saying “be careful!” while the heart keeps being hopeful, and there starts the war.

Unfortunately when those are at war, you are not at peace, and if you are not at peace, the “relationship” suffers, we suffer. We hurt, we cry, we miss the other person… So why put ourselves through it? Because we’re human, and it’s human nature to want to be with someone, to feel loved and needed, because there’s the attraction and (sometimes, if you’re lucky) amazing chemistry. Because it is wonderful to feel like you mean the world to someone, and feel like they need you and want you. Because we’re stubborn and think we can be the one to change that outcome. 

We do this probably more than once in our lives… so, are we masochists? Ha! Maybe… but I’d like to think we’re hopeful instead. That we keep believing that there is one that will “change”, one that will want us and love us enough to stop the battle between the heart and the brain. Those should work together, not be at war. The brain is too rational, and the heart too emotional. I read once (and we may feel like) “sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can’t”. As true as this may be, the balance between them two is what we need. 

I know it’s easier said than done but, hopefully we all find where the two meet soon, and stop suffering the effects of that war.