Tag Archives: heartbreak

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

8 Feb

I came across this quote today “Who were you before they broke your heart”.

That’s an interesting question, I thought…

Fresh after a breakup, it’s really hard to answer it.  The pain, the memories, the “us” does not allow us to be just “you”.  Plus it’s hard because every person you meet, every situation, relationship and experience affects us, and can change us.

So, how do you go back to who you were?  What if you have had your heart broken more than once?   Not only by an ended relationship but, it might be that you didn’t get what you thought was your “dream job”, or you didn’t get into the school you wanted.  Or maybe a friend wasn’t who you thought they were.

What if you never asked yourself that question, after your first one, and allowed things to affect you so much, you think you can’t go back or remember?

Then I started thinking that the question is not necessarily literal.

Yes, I think it’s possible to remind ourselves of who we really were, our true self, but I think the quote means for us to start over.  To see the heartbreak as the end of that chapter, and start a new one.  Maybe even a new book.  To learn to stand up, rebuild up our self-esteem, be hopeful, and look forward, like we did before whatever it was didn’t work out.

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

I bet you were happy and optimistic.  You were making plans, confident, loving life, and fantasizing about the future.  Go back to that.  Find that confidence again, and move on.

A broken heart is the end of a part of your life, but not the end of it entirely.

Find a new story, a new purpose, another thing or someone that makes you want to dive in, and makes you smile again.  Life is full of stories.  Live each one and enjoy it, learn from it.  But don’t end one and give up.

Go ahead, write your life, own it.  No matter how many “Chapter One” we have, I’m sure each one will be well worth it.

chapter-one

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Heart vs Brain

11 Nov

We do all sorts of things to ourselves in this life… 

We scare ourselves by watching scary movies, skydiving, rollercoaster, etc.

We go through pain and invest long hours to look and feel better by plastic surgery, laser, hair & nail appointments. 

We submit our head and heart to war when liking or falling for someone that (usually the brain knows) is not right for us.

We go into that “relationship” knowing that it’s meant to break or die but still we are stubborn and “cautiously” give it a try.  We say we’ve prepared ourselves for the outcome, that we know it’s not forever, but in reality we are never prepared for the end.

You see, while you are with someone you create an attachment, feelings grow stronger, and that cautiousness fades. You become comfortable with that person, they make you happy, and you believe the relationship is possible. But the brain keeps saying “be careful!” while the heart keeps being hopeful, and there starts the war.

Unfortunately when those are at war, you are not at peace, and if you are not at peace, the “relationship” suffers, we suffer. We hurt, we cry, we miss the other person… So why put ourselves through it? Because we’re human, and it’s human nature to want to be with someone, to feel loved and needed, because there’s the attraction and (sometimes, if you’re lucky) amazing chemistry. Because it is wonderful to feel like you mean the world to someone, and feel like they need you and want you. Because we’re stubborn and think we can be the one to change that outcome. 

We do this probably more than once in our lives… so, are we masochists? Ha! Maybe… but I’d like to think we’re hopeful instead. That we keep believing that there is one that will “change”, one that will want us and love us enough to stop the battle between the heart and the brain. Those should work together, not be at war. The brain is too rational, and the heart too emotional. I read once (and we may feel like) “sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can’t”. As true as this may be, the balance between them two is what we need. 

I know it’s easier said than done but, hopefully we all find where the two meet soon, and stop suffering the effects of that war.