Tag Archives: hope

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

8 Feb

I came across this quote today “Who were you before they broke your heart”.

That’s an interesting question, I thought…

Fresh after a breakup, it’s really hard to answer it.  The pain, the memories, the “us” does not allow us to be just “you”.  Plus it’s hard because every person you meet, every situation, relationship and experience affects us, and can change us.

So, how do you go back to who you were?  What if you have had your heart broken more than once?   Not only by an ended relationship but, it might be that you didn’t get what you thought was your “dream job”, or you didn’t get into the school you wanted.  Or maybe a friend wasn’t who you thought they were.

What if you never asked yourself that question, after your first one, and allowed things to affect you so much, you think you can’t go back or remember?

Then I started thinking that the question is not necessarily literal.

Yes, I think it’s possible to remind ourselves of who we really were, our true self, but I think the quote means for us to start over.  To see the heartbreak as the end of that chapter, and start a new one.  Maybe even a new book.  To learn to stand up, rebuild up our self-esteem, be hopeful, and look forward, like we did before whatever it was didn’t work out.

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

I bet you were happy and optimistic.  You were making plans, confident, loving life, and fantasizing about the future.  Go back to that.  Find that confidence again, and move on.

A broken heart is the end of a part of your life, but not the end of it entirely.

Find a new story, a new purpose, another thing or someone that makes you want to dive in, and makes you smile again.  Life is full of stories.  Live each one and enjoy it, learn from it.  But don’t end one and give up.

Go ahead, write your life, own it.  No matter how many “Chapter One” we have, I’m sure each one will be well worth it.

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Heart vs Brain

11 Nov

We do all sorts of things to ourselves in this life… 

We scare ourselves by watching scary movies, skydiving, rollercoaster, etc.

We go through pain and invest long hours to look and feel better by plastic surgery, laser, hair & nail appointments. 

We submit our head and heart to war when liking or falling for someone that (usually the brain knows) is not right for us.

We go into that “relationship” knowing that it’s meant to break or die but still we are stubborn and “cautiously” give it a try.  We say we’ve prepared ourselves for the outcome, that we know it’s not forever, but in reality we are never prepared for the end.

You see, while you are with someone you create an attachment, feelings grow stronger, and that cautiousness fades. You become comfortable with that person, they make you happy, and you believe the relationship is possible. But the brain keeps saying “be careful!” while the heart keeps being hopeful, and there starts the war.

Unfortunately when those are at war, you are not at peace, and if you are not at peace, the “relationship” suffers, we suffer. We hurt, we cry, we miss the other person… So why put ourselves through it? Because we’re human, and it’s human nature to want to be with someone, to feel loved and needed, because there’s the attraction and (sometimes, if you’re lucky) amazing chemistry. Because it is wonderful to feel like you mean the world to someone, and feel like they need you and want you. Because we’re stubborn and think we can be the one to change that outcome. 

We do this probably more than once in our lives… so, are we masochists? Ha! Maybe… but I’d like to think we’re hopeful instead. That we keep believing that there is one that will “change”, one that will want us and love us enough to stop the battle between the heart and the brain. Those should work together, not be at war. The brain is too rational, and the heart too emotional. I read once (and we may feel like) “sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can’t”. As true as this may be, the balance between them two is what we need. 

I know it’s easier said than done but, hopefully we all find where the two meet soon, and stop suffering the effects of that war.

  

 

Loss

4 Mar

We’ve always heard “death is part of life”, “death is the most natural thing in the world”, “death is the only sure thing we have”. Unfortunately I recently had to hear these over and over again, and know those statements are true… As I grow older, I realize more will leave us.

If death is “a natural part of life” I guess we should consider goodbyes the same but, if these are “natural” things, why do they hurt so much? Why do we not get used to it easily?

Death is not the only loss we suffer during life, we also suffer loss when a friend or love walks away. In a way, it’s death as well, the death of that relationship.

Actual death is inevitable, and definitive. We cry, we miss but, in the end, we must resign knowing there’s nothing we can do about it.

Why then do we fight to keep the ones who walk away? Why don’t we resign to see it as the death of the relationship? After all, those who walked away did it willingly. Is it human nature, the need to control or understand a situation, the love we have for them that won’t let us give up because we know that person is still alive and hope there’s a second chance?

I think fairy tales and movies have something to do with this. Even in those death is final but, love lasts forever. It can move mountains, survive any fight, misunderstanding, war, distance, etc.

We relive in our heads the words they said to us, the moments we had together, the things we wanted to do with them.

We look for a way to get them back, to be what they want, to be happy with them.

We hold on…

Thinking about it now, I guess it’s human nature. The way we do it is not the same but, we do hold on to the loved ones that have passed as well. We keep them alive in our hearts and memory. Those memories help us cope with the sorrow, and even bring smiles and laughter. Those memories are what we have to hold on, and we never let go.

So, what’s really natural and certain is that we love, and that’s why it hurts. Either way they left us, we love them, and we were not ready to say goodbye. They leave both heartache and memories.

We try any way we can to keep them in our lives, and when it’s not possible we mourn them, we miss them.

Those still alive, we hold on to the hope they come back soon, and the rest we hope to see again in the future.

In the end, they all leave a mark, one that will live with us forever and shape who we are. A mark only ours, that no one can heal, take away or match. We love them, and they’ll be forever in our hearts.

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Believe

14 Nov

Sometimes, you have to believe…

That everything happens for a reason

That a closed door means another opens

That things happen for you and not to you

That everything is a lesson

That the pain will go away

That if it made you smile and happy it could not have been that bad

That regrets are useless

That there’s always tomorrow

That it’s not a goodbye but a see you later (soon)

That hope and love can move mountains

That there’s a bigger force looking after us

That everything works out in the end.

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Hopes & Expectations

15 Oct

I just celebrated another year of my life.

These are always occasions of joy… you get to see how far you’ve come, how many friends are by your side, how family and those friends are so happy to have you in their lives, and they in yours.

Regardless of the age, one tends to look back to see where we’re at in life.  It’s not like you have a detailed  plan of how your life’s supposed to be but, you have certain expectations.

I had read before that “Expectation is the root of all heartache”… Somewhat true. When those expectations aren’t met we inevitably feel that way.

You expect to have accomplished “X” or “Y” by whatever age, and it might be taking longer. You expect to be treated one way but are treated another. You expect to have certain things and/or commodities but don’t. Unexpected news can throw you off for a bit. You expect to be happy but sometimes you can’t. Yes, this might bring disappointment and hurt, and it’s ok to feel that way, just don’t let it keep you down.

We should see expectations as guidelines. Those expectations can be goals, can be what tells you how you want to be treated, where you want to go, they can be wishes and dreams that one day may come true… They are not set in stone, they should not define your life or how others see it. If those expectations are not yet met, keep going. It doesn’t mean they are lost. It just means it wasn’t the time or maybe you set them too high. Maybe sometimes we create our own “heartbreak” but, only we can control that. It’s up to us if we keep fighting for them, create new ones, or give up, which I hope we never do.

At the end of the day, when you look at your life, you will find you’ve come a long way and have so much ahead of you, that you have friends and family that love you unconditionally, that some things take more time than others, and that when they finally come they were well worth the wait. You’ll also see that, regardless of how you felt when you “didn’t get what you wanted”, you most likely still keep holding on to those expectations because expectation is also defined as hope, and hope “it’s what keeps us alive”.

Hope

No regrets…

13 Feb

Why do we feel “stupid” or regret when we fall for someone that doesn’t feel the same way about us?

Think about it…  how many times do you open up to someone, or go out with them, to find out they don’t feel the same and you feel foolish or like you wasted your time.  How many times has a friend said “oh, I’m telling you he (or she) is not interested so you don’t look “stupid” chasing after him”.

First of all, I think “chasing” has a negative connotation and maybe not the best word to use when it’s a real emotion the person is having (unless you are really doing that or stalking the person but, that’s another subject).
Second, why feel that way when your feelings are genuine / sincere?  Why apologize for, or deny your feelings?

We don’t get to choose who we like or fall in love with.  It just happens.  There’s obviously something that person has that attracts you to them, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Yes, if the feeling isn’t mutual it hurts but, that doesn’t take anything away from you or makes you seem “stupid”, and I would definitely not consider it a waste of time.  You see, with every situation you live, you learn, you grow…  and before the heartbreak or disillusion you got to smile, hope, have expectations, and some good times.

I’ve always loved the quote below and its other two versions:
“Never regret anything you do, cause in the end it makes you who you are”
“…take chances and have no regrets, because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted”

What you feel is real, only you decide if it’s wrong or right for you.  As long as it’s honest, and if you decide to pursue it, enjoy it for as long as it lasts.  If for some unfortunate reason it ends, don’t let the hurt make you bitter, or be hard on yourself.  Don’t feel “stupid” and don’t regret it, take it as an experience, take the good from it, and move on, trusting something better will come.

never regret something that once made you smile

(Un)Answered Questions

7 Jan

How can you go from not liking or not caring for someone to wanting them so much in your life?
How could months or a year of anticipation, end in just a few weeks of being with each other and then back to almost strangers?
How does your mind, and sometimes even your heart, get used to that person in just those few days or weeks?
How does your body and mind know, even when it’s sleeping, that you miss him/ her, that you wake up with your eyes burning and tired as if your body had cried the whole night thinking that, because the tears didn’t come, it was letting you rest for a while?
How can a happy/ beautiful memory hurt so much?

How do you go back to the start? Not necessarily the start of that “someone” but the start of “you”?

Luckily time helps with that and, the same way your body and mind know when you’re missing them, it also knows when it’s time to let go. Our stubborn self might hold on longer than it should but, it eventually happens.

We may find someone new, or we might have another chance with that same person, and almost inevitably we start the cycle again. Because feelings are persistent, even a little masochist, not afraid to take risks and, most of all, hopeful… and deep inside we are too, and that’s why we give in, time after time, eager to break that cycle one day, not too far away.

Until that day comes, take the lessons from those past experiences, don’t let them make you bitter, instead let them guide you to better things. Know your worth, and what you deserve, and remember you “sometimes have to listen to your brain to save your heart” but, never lose hope… Sure, “it is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does.” – Peter McWilliams

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