Tag Archives: love

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

8 Feb

I came across this quote today “Who were you before they broke your heart”.

That’s an interesting question, I thought…

Fresh after a breakup, it’s really hard to answer it.  The pain, the memories, the “us” does not allow us to be just “you”.  Plus it’s hard because every person you meet, every situation, relationship and experience affects us, and can change us.

So, how do you go back to who you were?  What if you have had your heart broken more than once?   Not only by an ended relationship but, it might be that you didn’t get what you thought was your “dream job”, or you didn’t get into the school you wanted.  Or maybe a friend wasn’t who you thought they were.

What if you never asked yourself that question, after your first one, and allowed things to affect you so much, you think you can’t go back or remember?

Then I started thinking that the question is not necessarily literal.

Yes, I think it’s possible to remind ourselves of who we really were, our true self, but I think the quote means for us to start over.  To see the heartbreak as the end of that chapter, and start a new one.  Maybe even a new book.  To learn to stand up, rebuild up our self-esteem, be hopeful, and look forward, like we did before whatever it was didn’t work out.

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

I bet you were happy and optimistic.  You were making plans, confident, loving life, and fantasizing about the future.  Go back to that.  Find that confidence again, and move on.

A broken heart is the end of a part of your life, but not the end of it entirely.

Find a new story, a new purpose, another thing or someone that makes you want to dive in, and makes you smile again.  Life is full of stories.  Live each one and enjoy it, learn from it.  But don’t end one and give up.

Go ahead, write your life, own it.  No matter how many “Chapter One” we have, I’m sure each one will be well worth it.

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You have to “kiss a lot of frogs”

3 Aug

I recently read an article that warned women of the types of “frogs” to avoid kissing.

Well, I’m sure it’s too late for a lot of us, and even if we had read this before, we would have done it anyway…  :p

The article listed three types (I’m sure there’s more or hybrids):

1.     The bad boy.  This is the one that dresses to impress, has all the right words and knows exactly what to say.  Most (or all) his comments have sexual insinuations because his goal is to have another conquest and not a serious relationship.

2.     The controller.  This one is possessive and wants to dominate you and the relationship.  He has to know exactly what you’re doing at all times…  who you’re with and where, and is extremely jealous.  The article says this type of relationship might be addictive.

3.     The broken boy.  This one says he wants the relationship, but the experience of his last relationship(s) scare him and won’t let him fall in love again.  He will start showing you affection and make all the right moves but when it’s time to commit he will “freeze” and start backing out.

Yes, they say you have to “kiss a lot of  frogs” to find the right one but, how many is a lot?  What if you keep kissing the same one just different face/ name?  What if you have a pattern?  You know about it but can’t seem to break it…  So I ask, when do you get tired of the same thing over and over and change the tune?

I know this is usually where I insert a positive/ inspirational thought or answer but today, I don’t think I can.  I’m still dealing with this one myself and, if I’m honest, think I might keep failing to change it for a while.  It’s tough breaking patterns and habits…  Especially when there’s some good times in them.

You hear your family and friends say, or even think to yourself, you deserve so much better, a “good” guy will come and will make you realize what you need but, truth is, it’s in us to realize that and give that guy a chance.  A thousand might come our way, right in front of our noses, even try to get to know us but, if we’re not ready or still looking at a “frog” it won’t matter.  It’s up to you, and only you, to open your eyes and realize what “good” really is and what really matters.

Huh!  Look at that…  I did give some advice…  now the hard part is following it.  Good luck!!!

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This is life… 2016

31 Dec

This is life… it kicks us down and then helps us get back up. There’s ups and there’s downs.

This year was a bit tough for me. I lost people I cared about, I’ve felt alone, I’ve felt what seemed like inconsolable sadness, I’ve been heartbroken. 

To lose someone you love is one of the hardest things this life can throw at you. Yes, it’s part of life but you are never prepared. I still feel very deeply the loss of those I don’t have with me anymore. My tears may not come as often and uncontrollable as when they left but, they are missed, and it always hurts.

The loneliness, thankfully, was temporary, and probably even “mental”. Sometimes we close ourselves in our feelings so tight that we isolate ourselves and dwell in it more than we should, but at that moment, that feeling is so real, and so wrenching, it’s painful. 

Heartbreak is out of your hands, really. You go into things/ situations hoping for the best, hoping they last but it not always works out that way.  Sometimes loss is not physical, and these hurt just as much. But, as I said, life also helps you back up, and it’s always good to see things in a “glass half full” kind of way. So, maybe that heartbreak wasn’t the end of it, maybe it’s a needed break and life gives you a second chance, to reconnect, try again, or start something completely new. It always finds a way to help mend your heart.

When you feel alone, turn to your family and friends. They, in my case, and I’m sure in many of yours, are a blessing and always there to support you at all times. When I see how loving an amazing my circle is, I have to really think, why and how did I ever feel that way? Thanks to them is that I am able to say that feeling was just temporary.

And, as is a law of life, with death comes life. Not that the ones who come can ever replace the ones we’ve lost but, the birth of my niece was definitely a reason to dry the tears and smile and celebrate. Her smile lights up any room, and any nostalgic thought that may cross our minds. 

Yes, life throws some punches… As you can see 2015 was no exception but, it did come with a lot of great moments as well, lots of laughter, new and old friends, love, beautiful memories, new and unforgettable experiences, and my amazing family, and for all these I am so grateful.

So, as we ring in the new year:

* take time to remember those no longer with us

* thank those who are and remain with you through thick and thin

* let go of any grudges, and open yourself to forgive, and apologize as well 

* think of last year and learn from it, work to make yourself better

* live each day, enjoy it. Don’t waste it on the past, or what’s yet to come

* be grateful, and hope for the best. 

Again, the “glass is always half full”, we just have to adjust our view.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2016!

  

A wedding…  From a big sisters eyes

1 Dec

As an older sibling, I assume we all feel this, we are very protective of our younger brothers and/or sisters.We’ve seen them grow and have so many memories of them that makes us feel like they are ours and hard to “share” them.

The idea of them falling in love and “leaving the nest” is a little scary and sad because you are used to having them around, and there’s a concern of losing them to that new person and family.

In my case, my brother and sisters are my best friends, confidants, shoulder to lean on, and source of happiness and laughter, so yes, that concern has always been there for every one of them. You would think that with one already married this feeling would be less but, no, it’s still there for each of them. Weather you show it or not, you care and protect them in every way possible.

This past month my “baby” brother got married. A lot of emotions were flowing though me that day… 

I have always been so proud of him, the responsible and caring boy, of the man he’s become, and the wonderful husband and father I know he will be.

Even though he’s all grown up, and a lot taller than me, he will always be “mi hermanito” and nostalgia came over me. Yes, I shed some tears thinking of all the memories I have of him, from his birth all the way to him telling us he had found “the one”.   

But the thing I felt most was love and happiness. Happy that he found such an amazing person to share his life with, and a wonderful addition to our family. The concern I talk about above was never there with her, instead she became my friend and now (officially) my sister.   And love, because that’s what they’ve shown each other since they met, what they both have shown us, and what each family feels for them and each other.

This truly was a beautiful day.

What I wrote when my sister got married, I’ll say it again… I did not lose a brother, I gained a wonderful sister and, with her, a loving extended family, and many wonderful moments and memories to come.

So, not only are my siblings my best friends, they are also a reason to keep believing in love, and that there is someone out there who makes you happy, and moves you to take the courageous step of sharing the rest of your life with them. May theirs be a lovely “happily ever after”.

  

 

Heart vs Brain

11 Nov

We do all sorts of things to ourselves in this life… 

We scare ourselves by watching scary movies, skydiving, rollercoaster, etc.

We go through pain and invest long hours to look and feel better by plastic surgery, laser, hair & nail appointments. 

We submit our head and heart to war when liking or falling for someone that (usually the brain knows) is not right for us.

We go into that “relationship” knowing that it’s meant to break or die but still we are stubborn and “cautiously” give it a try.  We say we’ve prepared ourselves for the outcome, that we know it’s not forever, but in reality we are never prepared for the end.

You see, while you are with someone you create an attachment, feelings grow stronger, and that cautiousness fades. You become comfortable with that person, they make you happy, and you believe the relationship is possible. But the brain keeps saying “be careful!” while the heart keeps being hopeful, and there starts the war.

Unfortunately when those are at war, you are not at peace, and if you are not at peace, the “relationship” suffers, we suffer. We hurt, we cry, we miss the other person… So why put ourselves through it? Because we’re human, and it’s human nature to want to be with someone, to feel loved and needed, because there’s the attraction and (sometimes, if you’re lucky) amazing chemistry. Because it is wonderful to feel like you mean the world to someone, and feel like they need you and want you. Because we’re stubborn and think we can be the one to change that outcome. 

We do this probably more than once in our lives… so, are we masochists? Ha! Maybe… but I’d like to think we’re hopeful instead. That we keep believing that there is one that will “change”, one that will want us and love us enough to stop the battle between the heart and the brain. Those should work together, not be at war. The brain is too rational, and the heart too emotional. I read once (and we may feel like) “sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can’t”. As true as this may be, the balance between them two is what we need. 

I know it’s easier said than done but, hopefully we all find where the two meet soon, and stop suffering the effects of that war.

  

 

Gamble

11 Aug

Have you ever noticed how love and relationships are like gambling…Some play just for the fun of it, others go “all in”, some just simply stay away afraid of losing, and others are addicted and/ or obsessed.

Then there are the ones who know what they’re doing, study the table, know what they have to go in with, and know when to fold and call it a day, or when to play that winning hand.

This last one I think is hard. 

Casinos play with money, relationships play with hearts. I think we can all agree the later is more important and, sometimes, harder to fix.

The ones who are just players, never really get anything out of it. At least not what’s important, in my opinion, the real connection with someone. These people just go from “table” to “table” without any commitment, or real interest. They are just killing time, enjoying that one moment and go.

The ones who go “all in”, without thinking, risk the most. These, most probably, turn into the obsessive ones. Just when you think you have dealt your last card, you think you’ve found another one that can save you, and another one, until you realize you are all out and without anything to show for it. Only a broken heart and disappointment. 

The ones who stay away, will be lonely, and still their hearts will be hurt because we all need to connect with others, and we all want love and companionship.

Again the last one is the hardest… I think to get to that level you probably must go through a couple of the others, to know yourself, what you want and can tolerate, what is a good or bad “hand”/ Relationship. To go into the next one with open eyes, open heart, with the right amount of cautiousness, or to realize you have been dealt the winning one.

In all scenarios you risk something of yourself. It’s up to you how much, and how you deal with it afterwards. 

Now, there’s one more thing to consider when gambling… Luck. For some reason there are times when this just happens to be on our side and nothing can go wrong.  Just like when you meet someone, if you’re lucky that is “the one”, or you think they are. When you feel like luck is on your side, smile, grab it, and enjoy it. Hopefully the “luck” will last, maybe even forever.

Some win, some lose but, it’s like they say “the bigger the risk, the grater the reward”.

Don’t be afraid, play your hand, and again, until you get what you want. 

Do it responsibly, and yes, you may act cautiously but, open yourself to the experience, gamble a little, I’m sure we’ll all win something at the end.

  

Loss

4 Mar

We’ve always heard “death is part of life”, “death is the most natural thing in the world”, “death is the only sure thing we have”. Unfortunately I recently had to hear these over and over again, and know those statements are true… As I grow older, I realize more will leave us.

If death is “a natural part of life” I guess we should consider goodbyes the same but, if these are “natural” things, why do they hurt so much? Why do we not get used to it easily?

Death is not the only loss we suffer during life, we also suffer loss when a friend or love walks away. In a way, it’s death as well, the death of that relationship.

Actual death is inevitable, and definitive. We cry, we miss but, in the end, we must resign knowing there’s nothing we can do about it.

Why then do we fight to keep the ones who walk away? Why don’t we resign to see it as the death of the relationship? After all, those who walked away did it willingly. Is it human nature, the need to control or understand a situation, the love we have for them that won’t let us give up because we know that person is still alive and hope there’s a second chance?

I think fairy tales and movies have something to do with this. Even in those death is final but, love lasts forever. It can move mountains, survive any fight, misunderstanding, war, distance, etc.

We relive in our heads the words they said to us, the moments we had together, the things we wanted to do with them.

We look for a way to get them back, to be what they want, to be happy with them.

We hold on…

Thinking about it now, I guess it’s human nature. The way we do it is not the same but, we do hold on to the loved ones that have passed as well. We keep them alive in our hearts and memory. Those memories help us cope with the sorrow, and even bring smiles and laughter. Those memories are what we have to hold on, and we never let go.

So, what’s really natural and certain is that we love, and that’s why it hurts. Either way they left us, we love them, and we were not ready to say goodbye. They leave both heartache and memories.

We try any way we can to keep them in our lives, and when it’s not possible we mourn them, we miss them.

Those still alive, we hold on to the hope they come back soon, and the rest we hope to see again in the future.

In the end, they all leave a mark, one that will live with us forever and shape who we are. A mark only ours, that no one can heal, take away or match. We love them, and they’ll be forever in our hearts.

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