Tag Archives: move on

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

8 Feb

I came across this quote today “Who were you before they broke your heart”.

That’s an interesting question, I thought…

Fresh after a breakup, it’s really hard to answer it.  The pain, the memories, the “us” does not allow us to be just “you”.  Plus it’s hard because every person you meet, every situation, relationship and experience affects us, and can change us.

So, how do you go back to who you were?  What if you have had your heart broken more than once?   Not only by an ended relationship but, it might be that you didn’t get what you thought was your “dream job”, or you didn’t get into the school you wanted.  Or maybe a friend wasn’t who you thought they were.

What if you never asked yourself that question, after your first one, and allowed things to affect you so much, you think you can’t go back or remember?

Then I started thinking that the question is not necessarily literal.

Yes, I think it’s possible to remind ourselves of who we really were, our true self, but I think the quote means for us to start over.  To see the heartbreak as the end of that chapter, and start a new one.  Maybe even a new book.  To learn to stand up, rebuild up our self-esteem, be hopeful, and look forward, like we did before whatever it was didn’t work out.

“Who were you before they broke your heart”

I bet you were happy and optimistic.  You were making plans, confident, loving life, and fantasizing about the future.  Go back to that.  Find that confidence again, and move on.

A broken heart is the end of a part of your life, but not the end of it entirely.

Find a new story, a new purpose, another thing or someone that makes you want to dive in, and makes you smile again.  Life is full of stories.  Live each one and enjoy it, learn from it.  But don’t end one and give up.

Go ahead, write your life, own it.  No matter how many “Chapter One” we have, I’m sure each one will be well worth it.

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Friend(ship)

4 Nov

Through life you meet a lot of people.

Some are just acquaintances, some become friend, others, even more than that, they become family.

There’s people who instantly click with you.  Other’s take a little more time to fit in your life but, when they do, they belong there.

Allowing people to get close, allowing yourself to open up to them is a blessing.  It expands your world, your heart, your experiences.

These people can bring a lot of good, new perspectives, laughter, and even more friends into your life.

They can also teach you lessons.

Unfortunately, it can also cause hurt.  The people that come into your life, even if they become really close, not always stay.

Sometimes you click with someone immediately, share things together in a short time, but they change, or they no longer want to be a part of your life, or maybe they don’t know how to be in it.  Maybe you’re not what they expected, or maybe timing or circumstances are just not right.  There can be so many reasons but the result is still the same.  Regardless of how much time you spent with each other, you create an attachment and you miss them when they are no longer there, physically or otherwise.

It’s hard letting go.  It’s hard knowing how to act around them if you keep seeing them.

You try to act normal but you can’t because, yes, at one point you were strangers but, after you share time/ conversations/ feelings/ etc., is hard to go back to “not knowing each other”.  You miss that person that was your friend, you miss the silly texts, the laughs, the person you used to talk to.

It’s sad when this happens.  Some just move one.   Some say “good riddance” and don’t think about it anymore.

Personally, I don’t know if it’s my optimism, or hope in everyone, but I hold on.  Even when I don’t show it, I do.

I keep holding on to the qualities of the person I met, and became my friend (or more than that).  I keep thinking we can find what we had again.

I do believe that if you really care, you make it work.  That giving up on people is like giving up on yourself.  We all deserve second chances.  We all go through things when we are not “ourselves”, or things that make us change.  But our core (usually) always stays the same, and that’s the part I hang on to.

Yes, maybe I hang on for too long, and for more than what some people deserve.

Yes, it hurts when they show (or seems) like they don’t care.

Yes, at that point I think maybe they weren’t worth it, and maybe no one really is.  But I erase that thought off my head and go back to thinking, What if I hadn’t tried?  What if I could have saved that friendship/ relationship?

In my opinion, it’s always better to try again, and again, than to live your life with a “what if”.  Those are hard to shake off.

As is part of life, some of my attempts have not succeeded.  I’ve had to let go of people, and some have walked away from me.

We’ve all had our reasons, but I am glad I tried and don’t regret any moment I spent with each of them.

Still, I will keep fighting for my friends, and to keep them in my life.

Sometimes, if I feel disappointed or let down, it might seem like I’ve given up, but I haven’t.

If I have called you a friend, it’s because you are exactly that, and I hold on dearly to them.

If we’re going (or go) through a rough patch, I will hold on until we can work it out or exhaust all options to do so.

To those who have stuck around through years, laughs and tears  – thank you for being my blessings.

Friendship is something I’ve always been lucky and very grateful to have.  Something I think everyone should have in high regards.

Strengthen those bonds, don’t treat people like their replaceable.  Create connections, invest in them, protect them.

Life is so much better with the people you care in it.

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No regrets…

13 Feb

Why do we feel “stupid” or regret when we fall for someone that doesn’t feel the same way about us?

Think about it…  how many times do you open up to someone, or go out with them, to find out they don’t feel the same and you feel foolish or like you wasted your time.  How many times has a friend said “oh, I’m telling you he (or she) is not interested so you don’t look “stupid” chasing after him”.

First of all, I think “chasing” has a negative connotation and maybe not the best word to use when it’s a real emotion the person is having (unless you are really doing that or stalking the person but, that’s another subject).
Second, why feel that way when your feelings are genuine / sincere?  Why apologize for, or deny your feelings?

We don’t get to choose who we like or fall in love with.  It just happens.  There’s obviously something that person has that attracts you to them, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Yes, if the feeling isn’t mutual it hurts but, that doesn’t take anything away from you or makes you seem “stupid”, and I would definitely not consider it a waste of time.  You see, with every situation you live, you learn, you grow…  and before the heartbreak or disillusion you got to smile, hope, have expectations, and some good times.

I’ve always loved the quote below and its other two versions:
“Never regret anything you do, cause in the end it makes you who you are”
“…take chances and have no regrets, because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted”

What you feel is real, only you decide if it’s wrong or right for you.  As long as it’s honest, and if you decide to pursue it, enjoy it for as long as it lasts.  If for some unfortunate reason it ends, don’t let the hurt make you bitter, or be hard on yourself.  Don’t feel “stupid” and don’t regret it, take it as an experience, take the good from it, and move on, trusting something better will come.

never regret something that once made you smile

(Un)Answered Questions

7 Jan

How can you go from not liking or not caring for someone to wanting them so much in your life?
How could months or a year of anticipation, end in just a few weeks of being with each other and then back to almost strangers?
How does your mind, and sometimes even your heart, get used to that person in just those few days or weeks?
How does your body and mind know, even when it’s sleeping, that you miss him/ her, that you wake up with your eyes burning and tired as if your body had cried the whole night thinking that, because the tears didn’t come, it was letting you rest for a while?
How can a happy/ beautiful memory hurt so much?

How do you go back to the start? Not necessarily the start of that “someone” but the start of “you”?

Luckily time helps with that and, the same way your body and mind know when you’re missing them, it also knows when it’s time to let go. Our stubborn self might hold on longer than it should but, it eventually happens.

We may find someone new, or we might have another chance with that same person, and almost inevitably we start the cycle again. Because feelings are persistent, even a little masochist, not afraid to take risks and, most of all, hopeful… and deep inside we are too, and that’s why we give in, time after time, eager to break that cycle one day, not too far away.

Until that day comes, take the lessons from those past experiences, don’t let them make you bitter, instead let them guide you to better things. Know your worth, and what you deserve, and remember you “sometimes have to listen to your brain to save your heart” but, never lose hope… Sure, “it is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does.” – Peter McWilliams

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