Less Expectations, More Possibilities

I was sent a quote today…  Sometimes it’s strange how something “falls in your lap” right when you need it.

Most of my writing is to remind myself of things I should be doing or feeling or maybe even changing.  In the process of me making these public I hope they help others, or make them realize they’re not the only ones feeling a certain way, or maybe bring comfort, hope or a smile to their day.  It’s also a good way for me to go back to my posts and read them whenever I need to be reminded of certain things.

The quote is about how sometimes we expect things from others and, when things don’t work out as expected, we get frustrated, angry, sad.  We might blame the other person, cut them off…  as natural as those feelings may be, we also need to look inside us.  Are we asking for too much, are we expecting that person to change?   Are we being fair?

One quote I try to remember is “Expectation is the root of all heartache”.   Unfortunately we always have them.  Either starting a new job, a new relationship, friends, family, or even what we think our life should be at certain points or age.  With friends we might expect them to always be there, to celebrate every little thing with you, to cry or laugh whenever you do.  If we don’t get the reaction we anticipated, we might feel like they don’t care or they are not real friends.  In relationships you always have hopes and wish it’s “the one”, that it lasts.  You want it to work.  When things don’t go as you thought they would those expectations start to crumble and you get frustrated, and heartbroken.  It’s hard to let go of those “dreams”, of the fairy-tale we created in our heads.  But sometimes, if we do, we might avoid the anger, sadness, misunderstandings, etc.  Maybe without all these emotions caused by those expectations we would be able to communicate better, see things differently or maybe even see things we were missing before.

Don’t get me wrong… not everyone is supposed to be in your life.  Some, as they say, are lessons and once you’ve learn them you move on and leave them behind.  And your life is a lot better without them.  But, it’s worth giving people a chance.  It’s worth seeing if they are meant to stay in your life, just maybe in another way than the one you had first expected.

Emotions can be very strong, stubborn, and prideful.  Sometimes we allow them to control us, and that’s something to work on.  It’s natural to feel them, allow yourself time, and ask others to respect that time, to figure out those feelings, to understand them and grow from them.  Time to see things differently, to find a new way to see that other person or situation, or to have a second chance to try again.  “Time heals”, this is very true, we just need to allow it to do so and open ourselves to it.

Things are not always resolved trying to change someone else or a situation.  Sometimes it takes a little bit of changing on our part too, adjusting our way of seeing things.

Instead of expectations, see possibilities.  Not an easy task but one I’m sure would help us, not only in relationships but, in many aspects of life, to be open to different and new experiences.

Be a Writer

You know, keeping a blog isn’t easy…

One sets a goal to write every  so often, let’s say at least once a month, to gain and keep subscribers, to prove yourself that you have something to say and write about, as an outlet to vent when talking is hard, whatever the reason, it just isn’t easy.

You see, when you have this type of blog, the one without a specific topic, or someone telling you what to write about, you write about personal experiences or things you talk about with friends.  You write about your trips, your eats, what you see and feel.  On these topics, we all have a lot to say, problem is, we don’t always want everyone to hear.  Our heads and hearts are filled with hundreds of emotions daily.  Countless stories, new and old, can be told in one day so, why don’t we?

I’ve written before about how one should not feel ashamed or embarrassed by what or how we feel but, that’s easier said than done.

Sometimes what comes to our heart to write is too personal we are scared to share it with the world.  Maybe not even with the world but just one person in specific.  We are afraid of how we might be perceived, how vulnerable we feel, what people will say, and how will it affect how they treat us.  Or, we might have the happiest news, but afraid to share it scared we might jinx it, or scared that if at the end it doesn’t end well, we have to write the unfortunate update.

Still, writing is a great outlet.  Someone once told me “Take pictures when you’re happy and write when you’re sad so, in the future, when you’re sad, the pictures remind you of happy times and the writing shows you how far you’ve come and the experiences that made you who you are” (something along those lines).  I write… not all makes it to this blog or to anyone’s eyes but, I see it, I feel it, and it helps me release what weighs me down.  When I read it, later on, when the feelings are more tamed, it helps me analyze the situation and my thoughts better.  It helps me live the moment again, with a new perspective.

We might not all be bloggers but I believe we all should be writers, writers of our own stories.

Grab a pen, a keyboard, anything and write away.  Let your spirit flow in that blank page, not for the world to see but for you.  Discover yourself, what you feel, what you want and need.  Writing will allow you to see many sides of you, you might have not known existed.  Relive the moments and feelings, and let your own words show you a new light to them.

No regrets…

Why do we feel “stupid” or regret when we fall for someone that doesn’t feel the same way about us?

Think about it…  how many times do you open up to someone, or go out with them, to find out they don’t feel the same and you feel foolish or like you wasted your time.  How many times has a friend said “oh, I’m telling you he (or she) is not interested so you don’t look “stupid” chasing after him”.

First of all, I think “chasing” has a negative connotation and maybe not the best word to use when it’s a real emotion the person is having (unless you are really doing that or stalking the person but, that’s another subject).
Second, why feel that way when your feelings are genuine / sincere?  Why apologize for, or deny your feelings?

We don’t get to choose who we like or fall in love with.  It just happens.  There’s obviously something that person has that attracts you to them, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Yes, if the feeling isn’t mutual it hurts but, that doesn’t take anything away from you or makes you seem “stupid”, and I would definitely not consider it a waste of time.  You see, with every situation you live, you learn, you grow…  and before the heartbreak or disillusion you got to smile, hope, have expectations, and some good times.

I’ve always loved the quote below and its other two versions:
“Never regret anything you do, cause in the end it makes you who you are”
“…take chances and have no regrets, because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted”

What you feel is real, only you decide if it’s wrong or right for you.  As long as it’s honest, and if you decide to pursue it, enjoy it for as long as it lasts.  If for some unfortunate reason it ends, don’t let the hurt make you bitter, or be hard on yourself.  Don’t feel “stupid” and don’t regret it, take it as an experience, take the good from it, and move on, trusting something better will come.

Happy 2014!